Gossip Patrol

David Beckham has enough coverage in the British tabloids to make a royal blush. A love-hate-sue-settle cycle is in constant motion with the rags, and the topic is more often than not his marriage to Posh Spice.

Becks can make the front page by switching hair conditioner, and his wife is often pictured looking in serious need of a burrito.

The pair have weathered lurid accusations by former bodyguards, nannies, and passersby, but we have yet to witness any infidelity, and therefore won’t pass on hearsay. Even if it would be really, really fun.

• What are the tabs saying this week? Post your findings here by clicking on the EasyEdit button.

The Farce of 'Full Length and Fabulous'

Poor Posh and Becks' pre-World Cup 2006 party had more hitches than anyone would wish on their enemies...the foul-mouthed celeb chef, Gordon Ramsey, was injured...he ruled that Posh's desire for a Spanish tapas menu was unfit and picked an English menu instead...the fly-past was suspended...the heavy rain put paid to any fireworks display...and many of the star-studded celeb supporters of team Becks failed to show.

Thieves Steal Becks' BMW

Poor Becks was the fourth Real Madrid star to have his luxury motor stolen by specialised thieves in April 2006 despite it having top of the range anti-theft devices fitted. It cost £70,000 [US$129,000; €102,000], was armor-plated, 4x4 SUV BMW X5 and the second one of his that was stolen within 6 months. Another even more hi-tech vehicle will be on the way.

Becks Back in the Premiership?

Rumours continue to link Beckham back with a move to the Premiership. Manchester United seems a no deal with Fergie still at Old Trafford. The pair didn't exactly part on good terms. Chelsea buy anyhting that moves, but usually under the age of 25. Which leaves Arsenal as the favourites to sign the England captain, should he want to wave goodbye to Spain. Unlikely? Remember all the denials about leaving Old Trafford? Victoria would love to live the London social life once again!

Posh & Becks' iconic status makes mums spend more

Celebrities are filling our magazines and newspapers with their comfortable lifestyles and immaculately turned out children in exclusive designer gear. A survey has found that ordinary mothers feel that their own children should be just as well dressed and are spending more and more on their children's clothing. Posh and Becks' are the most admired role models. Of course.

Leave the man alone?

Are Germany running so scared of Becks and the England soccer team that their most notorious gossip magazine 'Bild' has had to cast slurs upon and mock our man's family? Do you think his family are fair game for personal attacks? Tell us what you think. Read more about the digs here.

Becks is hot!

So hot that blonde female Euro journos have been 'mis-using' their journo privileges just to get close to the man and get an autograph. Becks has had to increase his personal security allegedly. Ida-Marie Vatn reportedly interviewed Becks thrice in one week! That's just greedy. Or obsessive? Read more here.

The WAGs get snapped

The footballers' wives, girlfriends and partners of some of the players participating in the World Cup snapped on their way to dining out together.

Don't you just love it the way they spread themselves out leaving lovely spaces inbetween each woman for the tab's picture editors to manipulate if necessary? Very pro and consdierate we say!

We hope Victoria 'Posh' Beckham (posing and pouting in pink on the far left) managed to down more than a mere morsel at dinner.

Horse-y teeth?

Apparently the shades and the pout aren't just there for effect with our dear Posh. She dons those oversized sunglasses and pushes out those lips to detract from (what she believes are) her horse-y teeth. For whatever reason she does those things, it helps to get her noticed and stay in those tabs!

Skinny in shorts

Both her twig like appearance and those skimpy, skimpy shorts are doing much to keep her in the tabs too. She could almost fit two of her into one of her handbags. These are a good examples of her size, shorts, shades and sacs (handbags):

Queen WAG loses keys...

...for 20 minutes sparking huge security scare as they were keys to their Beckingham Palace and Madrid homes and Becks' Bentley. Apparently armed police were even asked to help in the search. She has also had to cancel one of her credit cards as her details were handed to a fan after an airport worker mistook a woman for one of Becks' entourage.

Becks is a makeover fan

Victoria reveals in a celebrity magazine interview that her David is a TV makeover fan, Extreme Makeover being his favorite and that he also loved Ground Force when Alan Titchmarsh was hosting. Another revealing insight was that Becks is also a better cook and cleaner than Posh herself: she can only manage the "pop in the oven" and "pierce the lid" ready made meals.